Wrecked. Ready to get Real.

It’s crazy that the first semester of college is nearly over after starting four months ago, and I feel like a brand new being has crept in and taken captive of my soul. I never in my wildest dreams would have expected my first semester to be so incredibly challenging, emotionally draining, and tiring. However, at the same time it has been Spirit full, meaningful, and a season of immense personal growth. God growth. 

I’m going to be completely, and totally vulnerable. Honestly it can sometimes feel weary following Jesus. So many Christians become consumed a check list version of religion and are scared to admit that being a God-servant is HARD. The months since I’ve completely, wholly surrendered my life to Him have been some of the most difficult months of my life. The enemy has allowed me to encounter every weakness, and Jesus has stripped me raw. I’ll admit, it is hard to be positive in a season like this. Drowning in an ocean of loneliness, and having arrows aimed at every vulnerability.

But tonight, I realized that while I have been cocooning in my shell of Woe-Is-Me, I’ve missed the big picture. I was so busy complaining to God about my trials, that I failed to remember when they started. I chose to surrender my life to Jesus at a time when many Christian kids choose to be selfish. As a result, I inherently spat in the enemy’s face, and gave Jesus my heart. How could I ever expect this journey to be easy?

When I made the decision to blindly follow God’s calling and sign up for a trip to Africa on a WHIM, I stepped onto a battlefield. I was unaware as to the intense trials I would soon face after making that decision or the amount of spiritual warfare the enemy had planned for me. But how ignorant of I to assume that Africa would be a simple choice, a flippant decision. That was my first time choosing to forgo fear, and step into the courageous freedom that Jesus brings. And it has wrecked me. 

However, instead of wallowing in the depths of my struggle, I choose to find hope in the fact that the enemy is relentlessly trying to overtake me. I am putting aside my human emotions, and choosing to fight. I choose to find God’s faithfulness in the midst of this trial. I choose to rejoice in this season, because He has ordained it. And despite every moment we might encounter trouble, God is inherently good. Our earthly struggles are insignificant compared to the trials that Jesus faced when He was on the earth to pay the ransom for our foolishness. 

If you’re facing spiritual warfare, rejoice! The enemy is working harder because you are surrendering further, and taking solace in the shelter of the ultimate Healer.

“He will cover you with His feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Psalm 91:4

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:18-19

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